"Studies show that if you're a lady, most men want to kill you."

I love Saturday Night Live.  (However, I tend to DVR it and watch it on Sunday morning, but only because I am probably out all night partying....not in bed asleep by 10:30, halfway through the second episode of 48 Hours Mystery.)  Anyway, there is a skit that aired a few seasons ago that reminds me of my life.

Last December I moved into my first house.  But when I purchased this house, I wasn't looking for a starter home.  I wanted my "Forever House."  So I moved into a 2200 square foot, 3 bedroom, 2 1/2 bath house with a finished basement.  That way, when Mr. Right comes along, he can just move in with me...How lucky for him. 

But living alone has its share of problems.  And don't worry; I'll share the struggles of homeownership with you down the road.  But for now, I'm not interested in getting a roommate, so until Mr. Right moves in, I'm living in constant fear.  That fear comes from every creak, every noise, every sound my house makes, I am constantly afraid that someone is breaking into my house.  When I saw this skit on SNL, I thought, finally, someone who understands what it is like to be a single woman living alone in a large, five person house.

Here is the link, if you want to watch it:
http://www.hulu.com/watch/134720/saturday-night-live-broadview-security

And if you are like my mom and you can't figure out how to click on the link to go to the website or you are like my dad and you have such extreme security on your computer that you can't open another page because everything has a pop-up block, please feel free to read the transcript I found on NBC's website:

[ open on a group of people leaving a single woman's house party ]

Voice: See ya'!

Single Woman: Hey! Thanks again for dropping by my party, A.J.

A.J.: [ awkwardly ] Well... you have my e-mail -- uh, if you want to send me that lemon bar recipe.

Single Woman: Cool. See ya', A.J.

A.J.: Alright, bye.

Single Woman: Bye!

[ she closes her front door, turns on the alarm, and begins to pick up after the party ]

[ suddenly, the door handle jiggles and A.J. comes bursting through the door ]

[ the alarm goes off, as the woman screams ]

[ A.J. flees the scene, as the phone rings ]

Single Woman: Hello?!

Operator: This is Broadview Security. Is everything okay?

Single Woman: A nice guy who was at my party left, and then he broke in, like, twenty seconds later.

Operator: We're on our way.

[ Spokesman steps in front of the camera ]

Spokesman: Are you a single woman who lives alone in a large, five-person house? Then you need Broadview Security.

[ show chart ]

Spokesman V/O: Studies show that if you’re a lady, most men want to kill you.

[ show computerized demonstration ]

Spokesman V/O: And with Broadview Security, you can have an alarm that makes loud noises, which will make those men run away through the bushes. At the same time, one of our male security professionals in a button-down shirt will be alerted immediately.

Operator: Don't worry, Ma'am -- help is on the way.

Spokesman: And she'll need it. Because, like most women, she's under the threat of constant home invasion, from EVERYONE she meets.

[ cut to single woman kissing her grandfather good night ]

Single Woman: Thanks again, Grandpa! I love these Sundays together.

[ cut to Grandpa bursting through the door, as the woman screams ]

Spokesman: It could happen. And so could any of these terrifying scenarios where men kick down your door. Men like:

Your rabbi!

[ the rabbi bursts through the door ]

k.d. Lang!

[ k.d. Lang bursts through the door ]

Or two boys dressed as a man!

[ two boys dressed like a man burst through the door ]

Spokesman: Luckily, none of these things will ever happen -- if you get Broadview Security.

[ the spokesman bursts through the door ]

Spokesman: Get it, or get murdered!

[ fade ]